CHINESE MARRIAGE

Today I am busy taking photographs at the wedding of Mr and Mrs Ben Yew's eldest son, I thought I would do a post about Chinese marriage customs to share with you. I am sure many of my Muslims colleagues, friends and students would know a wee bit about Chinese marriages and so what is written below would be familiar with them. I would also like to point out that Chinese Marriages in Malaysia have changed from the times the first Chinese immigrants landed in Malaysia. There is now a fusion of cultures from the other ethnic races. The wedding last night had many Malay and Indian guests and the Muslims were served halal food. I was also told that no pork was served even for the non-Muslim tables. The band entertaining the guests were from the Naval base and the performers were Malays and Indian. Even the emcee for the Toast ceremony was a Malay. He happened to be a good friend of the groom. That is what makes Malaysia so unique.

CHINESE MARRIAGE CUSTOMS
A long, long time ago in China, a man could have as many wives (concubines) as he wished after marrying the first wife. Yeah! You could find a seventy year old man with a sixteen year old concubine (eich - the poor girl!). This was so because poor families sold their young daughters to the rich in order to get some money from them and also get rid of a useless female (their perception of the usefulness of girls) in the family.In modern times, this is not a common thing any more but there are still cases of old fellas with wives young enough to be their daughters or even grand-daughters. Nowadays, couples have the freedom to choose who they wish to be with. However, they still need to show their respect to their parents and a formal agreement has still to be obtained before any proper marriage procedure can be carried out.

Before getting married

Before the marriage is agreed upon, the couple has to pay a formal visit to each other's parents or guardians. When visiting the girl's parents, the boy has to bring with him the betrothal gifts in order to show sincerity. When the gifts are received, then both the boy and the girl are formally engaged. When the girl visits the boy's parents, the parents have to prepare a formal gift for their future daughter-in-law.One of the wedding procedure is that the bride has to prepare a dowry to be brought to the bridegroom's family on the wedding day. A dowry is things bought by the bride's family, which include blanket, clothes, accessories, daily necessities and so on.What comes next is the selection of an auspicious day to hold the wedding. It is very important in the Chinese culture. A wedding is deemed as an important day in a person's life and thus everything is chosen with care so as to symbolize goodness, harmony, abundance and auspiciousness. People will choose the best day based on the Chinese Lunar calendar by referring to the Chinese Almanac or T'ung Shu.

The wedding ceremony

Formal Chinese wedding custom requires the bridegroom to fetch his bride at her parents' home after paying the necessary respect to the parents-in-law. The couple will then go to the bridegroom's home, where the bride will greet her parents-in-law. At the groom's home, the young couple will have to greet the parents-in-law with a cup of tea each and the parents will return the daughter-in-law to be with a red packet of money inside. This tea ceremony also includes the relatives of the groom. Similar to the western culture, the bride and bridegroom will be accompanied by bridesmaids and best men and they are usually single.Then there is the banquet. All relatives and friends will be invited and they will wish the new couple with auspicious wishes. At the banquet, the newly wed has to drink a half glass of wine from a pair of glasses linked by a ribbon. After that the newlyweds have to cross-hands and drink the other half of the wine. It is believed that after this ceremony the newlyweds will love each other dearly. After the banquet, friends of the newlyweds will usually continue the night by going all out to disturb the new couple with a few games. As a norm the newlyweds would have to play these games till very late in the night!However in modern times, many young people forgo many of the rituals or ceremonies. They do that either because they think that new generations should not be confined by old traditions, or some do so due to economical reasons to try not to overspend.

Here are explanations for the photographs posted above.

1. The brother of the bride opening the car door for the groom (this is a must in Chinese customs).
2. The groom bowing to his bride as a sign of respect before leading her to the bridal car.
3. The tea ceremony.
4. Mr and Mrs Ben Yew's family with the bride and groom, Stanley and Shieuh Ling.
5. Miss Cheah posing next to the bridal car.

VIEW THE SLIDE SHOW OF THE WEDDING BANQUET WHICH WAS HELD AT FLAMINGO LAST NIGHT.